I had a fantastic conversation during a session at the offic. We talked about how to handle unsolicited advice and unsolicited birth stories while pregnant. There can often be an expectation that a desired outcome is guaranteed if you “do all the things”. If you hired the midwife, the doula, and childbirth educator; and if you did the massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, yoga, vitamins, and, and, and.
Although no one ever knows what the journey will look like, my hope for you is that you come out on the other side feeling empowered, respected, and the driver of your decisions during your pregnancy, birth and beyond. Not all babies are meant to be born into a pool of water surrounded by candles. Not all births leave mom and dad feeling empowered. Ironically, it isn’t always the provider, location or birth outcome you would expect that has the family desiring more from their experience.
I have lost count to how many times I have coached families through a last minute Arvigo® session, hoping this will be the thing that saves them from an undesired birth intervention. How many times I get an email, text, review raving about the skills that afforded them the perfect birth experience.
Some families elect to not come in at all, after I explain my goals to create space and optimal flow for whatever their birth looks like and not just try and force their body into labor before it is ready. That I am a massage therapist and doula, I don’t have a magic pill.
What should we say to our community that ended up with an unplanned intervention? Did we fail them? Did I FAIL them? Did I fail YOU? Where you left with should haves, could haves, if only I knew sooner? Where you prepared for the possibility that your optimal birth may include medical interventions like an induction or surgery? Where you blindsided when your lowest intervention option was the one thing you didn’t want? I see you.
Birthful is one of my favorite birth podcasts as both a mother and a doula. Adrianna does an amazing job at representing all paths to parenthood and highlights many ways we can experience birth empowerment no matter what the events are that arise during labor.
I wanted to share this specific podcast because it goes through the journey of a mother who ended up having 2 cesarean births. She came home from the first traumatized. As you listen to her story you will learn her attempt at a vaginal birth after a cesarean (VBAC) ended up becoming a second cesarian birth, but she came home empowered through the process just by being respected, heard, and validated through out the experience. And guess what, she had a trusted and loved doula for both births!
I don’t think it is the intervention that leaves us traumatized, I believe it the lack of compassion and respect for the family the leaves us shocked. We need to humanize birth and as one of my review’s shared, “you can’t count on having people there to care about your experience that you don’t bring there yourself”.
To all my cesarian mamas, you are strong; you are amazing; you did everything you could given the information you had; it is totally normal to feel all the levels of emotions you feel about your birth; and most importantly YOU GAVE BIRTH. Thank you for bringing me on this journey with you. Cesarian Awareness Month should be every month, Happy Birth Awareness Month, Mama!